On Incongruity

In life there are passengers, there are drivers, and there are those who fix the cracks left behind by those assholes....

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

beautiful calculations

I'm superficial. Super superficial. I like attractive people, and I would rather be around the beautiful than the homely, gnarly, and the unsightful. My boyfriend thinks it's a flaw of mine, I think it's a merely a preference. I don't always hang around good-looking people (because I AM a nice person and don't choose friends/acquaintances based on appearance) but when I am surrounded by attractive men/women it just feels BETTER.

I would never classify myself as one of the beautiful ones...I think I'm more....well, funny-looking. But I like my friends to be pretty. Some women like to hang around uglier girls, thinking it will make them appear hotter. Unfortunately for those misguided ladies, it has the opposite effect. In fact, there is a "complex" formula that determines your attractiveness whilst in a group:


[ X1 + [(Z1-6) + (Z2-6) + (Z3-6) + ... (Zn-6)] /N] = Y

Where, on a scale of 1 to 10:
X1 = your original hotness
Z1 thru Zn = hotness of each other individual in the group
N = equals the number of other people in the group
Y = your perceived attractiveness while standing in that group

Yes, I made that up. It has not undergone rigorous testing thus far, so I welcome you to give it a whirl next time you're socializing. And of course, feedback and personal anecdotes are always appreciated.

3 Comments:

Blogger Rob said...

Well, men operate on a scale from -20 to +20, and from the perspective of a male onlooker, the equation should look like this (using the same variables):

* Note: For the purpose of the calculation, variables "X" and "Z" are calculated on the "old school" 1-10 scale.

[X1 - (Z1 + Z2 + Z3 + ...Zn/N)] X 2 = Y.

Note the exponential effect that the factoral of 2 has on an individual girl's own "hotness" (or lack thereof)relative to her group of friends. In fact, it is the "2 factor" that can be pointed to as the root cause of phenomenon commonly known as the "Wingman", which is used by interested males to counteract the exponential effect of either a) a girl's less attractive group of friends (most frequently) or b) her more attractive group of friends (much less frequently).

One problem that has arisen with the Wingman phenomenon, however, is that in some situations (typically in scenario "b)" above, the Wingman may throw a "cockblock" against the interested male in a selfish attempt to get with a member of the girl's group of friends. For a more detailed explanation of the cockblock, see the Cockblock Act, S.B.C. 2001, c. 69.

3:34 PM  
Blogger mysta42 said...

Hmm, mathematically it's not working for me.
Where is that Cockblock legislation anyways? It needs to be disseminated.
; p

5:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know what? I just realized that I never hang out with fat people. I wonder if I've been unknowingly discriminating against them all this time....ho jeez.

1:30 AM  

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